this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
