Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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