I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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