and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
