I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
