Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
