found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
two words: eviction party
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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