I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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