Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
