when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so let's talk penis.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
