I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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