i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
