first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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