shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
