i already hear my dad disowning me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can you bring me the toilet please
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
