The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
