i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
