Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
only you would photoshop your dick
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
