woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
