So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
