Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
