I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
