You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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