Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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