walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
