We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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