he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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