i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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