U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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