I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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