Please, let me fuck your mom
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Who died my cat blue again?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
