FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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