Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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