farters have to be the big spoon...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
