I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
