we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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