Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
