as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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