Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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