I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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