I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
