so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
