Im at strip club and am horny
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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