never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
