Define "chronic" masturbator.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
