I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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