I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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