I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
