Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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