dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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