oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
