is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
