Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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