forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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