i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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