i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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