whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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